This is Me

I SOOO want to be that mom and wife. The one that I blog about--who relishes her husband and children, who satisfies her husband's every desires, who can sit and play with her children without thinking of the 74 other things she should be doing. But I'm not her. I'm ME and lately it's been killing me!

Yesterday, Lloyd had to work late so he didn't get home until 7:00. So in my mind I had it all worked out where I would have homework done, the kids bathed, a fabulous supper on the table, etc. Instead, all hell was breaking loose! I had taken all 3 kids to Walmart for the 2nd and LAST time! So by the time I got done, the last thing I wanted to do was cook dinner. And how in the world was that going to happen between the crying baby who's hungry, the cranky 2 year old who's hungry, and the angry, ill-adjusted 5 year old who's hungry? What I did manage was a frozen pizza for the boys, a bottle for Brady, and a very quick bath. We were all cranky by the time Lloyd got home. I just said "I'm sorry!" He of course had no idea what I was talking about! I explained, and he told me that I need "to let go of that." He is perfectly happy with the way I am and understands that I have 3 small children to care for. (I am so thankful for him!) So why is it that I can't grasp that? Why is it that I want to be "Super-Mom?"

I was asking my home-group ladies to pray for me tonight about it. One of them made a comment that it took her 42 years to realize that God made her the way she was and she hoped it didn't take me as long. That really struck me! I was reminded that God created to be this way! I am not super-mom. I can't do it all. My ministry right now is not my toilets or my floors or even a fabulous dinner. My ministry right now is my children and my husband and the youth kids and hopefully a few other people that God places in my path during the day. So who cares if my floors aren't swept every day and my toilet hasn't been cleaned this week? If you do, don't come to my house! :)

So ladies, may we enjoy who we are as individuals! May we never look at each other's blogs and lives with envy (I admit it-I've done it). May we rejoice in the woman that God created us to be!

Encouragement in a New Light Continued

Ok. I promised I'd talk about the sex side of the book The Truth About Cheating that they talked about on Oprah. (You know what's funny? I took notes on the show just so I could blog about it! He! He!) Just a reminder...Mr. Newman, the author of the book, said from his studies that 1 in 3 men cheat but 92% said it was not about the sex. It was the emotional disconnection from their wives. 88% of the men did not cheat with women who were in better shape or were better looking.
Mr. Newman did say that the majority of men said it was not about the kind of sex but about the frequency of sex. He said that our society, women's magazines etc., tend to make women think they have to learn all these new positions and techniques but in actuality its more about how often you're having sex. He also said that "women initiating sex is like men washing dishes and giving us flowers!" (I love that!) He said that men express love, connection, passion, and sensuality through sex. Sex makes men feel like a winner, adored, admired, etc. Have you ever thought about sex in that way? Those are certainly things I want my husband to feel and know.
I mentioned in my other blog that I had gotten an email. It was actually my Daily Espresso from imom about the differences between men and women. The article was by Dr. Greg Smalley. Here's the link if you want to read it. http://www.imom.com/ispecialist/articles/index.php?id=116 Here's a little bit of what he said...
4. Men Want Activity; Women Want Relational Connection
If you mention intimacy to a man, they most likely will imagine a host of things that fly in the face of what you're thinking about. Here are a few differences in the way women look at intimacy, feelings, and emotions:
o Deep emotional connection
o Daily time sharing their heart
o Daily time hearing the heart of the one they love
o The ability to cry easily and together at emotional moments
o A sensitivity to know immediately when feelings are hurt
o An understanding of each other's dreams and goals
o Closeness of the heart and soul
Men have very little idea about these concepts of intimacy. Their brains are soaked in testosterone, remember. This means that they are fact-focused. Intimacy means something entirely different to most men. Take a look at this list:
o Deep physical connection
o Foreplay
o Hand-holding, hugging, kissing
o An understanding of each other's physical needs
o The ability to communicate physical needs
o Physical time alone together
o A sensitivity to know when physical needs are present
These two lists illustrate a very important difference between men and women. When defining intimacy (a deep emotional connection), according to renowned sociologist Dr. Deborah Tannen, most men and women do not see eye-to-eye on intimate matters. In other words, men and women define intimacy very differently. Women usually view intimacy as "deep talking" or connecting through words. This is why my wife does not usually feel "intimate" when we watch TV or "do" something. Instead, she feels a strong connection when we talk or communicate at a deep level, sharing feelings and needs. On the other hand, men usually view intimacy as "doing things" or connecting through activity (e.g., TV, sex, wrestling, or whatever). This is why I do not feel "intimate" when we are merely talking. Now, you get me talking while I'm fishing or playing ping-pong, then I feel connected because of the combination of action and words. This difference certainly impacts a couple's sexual relationship. Men often view sex as a way to secure intimacy, in that the activity of sex leads to a feeling of intimacy with his wife. On the other hand, women view sex as a consequence of the relationship, in that a good relationship leads to a desire for sex. It's no wonder sex is one of the top conflicts in marriage—look at the difference in how sex is used in the relationship. The man uses sex to feel an intimate connection with his wife, while the woman uses an intimate connection to have sex. We are so different!
So I feel God has been trying to teach me through all of this that I need to invest in making more of an emotional connection with my husband. That includes doing things to make him feel loved, encouraged, and appreciated. Evidently, frequent sex is on the top of the list of how to accomplish that. But right along with that, I need to continue searching for small (and large too) gestures to encourage Lloyd.
May God open our eyes to the ways in which we can encourage our husbands. May we find great pleasure in doing so! :)

My Husband Rocks Friday!

Thanks to my friend and fellow blogger, Stacey, I've found this great new blog that totally ties into what I've been blogging about. Basically, every Friday is "My Husband Rocks Friday." The author, Katy Lyn says "Every Friday, I will be posting a story, or photo, or quote about how and why my husband rocks! And I invite you to do the same!" So join with me girls and let's share how our husbands rock!
Also check out this website http://www.frommetees.com. You can get a t-shirt that says "My Husband Rocks!" I also love what they stand for. Their mission statement says
"From*me Tees was started by a married couple who knows what it is to work through hard stuff and yet stay together and stay committed and only grow to love each other MORE through it all. One of the great and wonderful mysteries of life is that loving each other in action--what we do and say--produces romance. Everything in our culture today teaches the opposite, that romance turns into love, but nothing could be further from the truth. Love is a choice and we decide how we're going to treat each other in the good and in the not-so-good times. What a hope-giving reality that a strong, loving, thriving relationship can be built, simply by changing how we interact with our spouse.
Marriage was created to be a blessing and a little kindness and respect goes a long way. Accept the fact that your spouse isn't perfect and then start taking notice of all the good things they bring to the table! Pretty soon you can train your mind to be grateful for who they are as opposed to feeling disappointed about who they are not. When you allow yourself to believe that your spouse rocks, you will free yourself from the downward spiral and temptation of self-pity, disappointment, and even dispair. The fact is, your spouse is probably a greater blessing than you allow yourself to realize...so lay down your expectations and praise your spouse for his/her attributes. After all, the key is to change yourself! And you'll be surprised at the positive affect it has on the one you choose to love...and you!"
This is exactly what I've been feeling! It's about us! We have to recognize and enjoy the gift God has given us in our husbands!
So... one way my fabulous husband, Lloyd, rocks is that he is an excellent father. When he was 15, before we were dating, I saw him playing with a child and the thought came to me (which I now know was God) "He's going to be the father of my children." I didn't understand then what exactly that meant. I just thought "that's the man I'm going to marry." I really think those words spoke volumes about the kind of Daddy Lloyd is. He loves his boys as much as I do. He enjoys playing with them and loves to wrestle with them even after a long day's work. Every single day, when the boys hear the door open, they run from wherever they are in the house screaming "DADDY!!!" with arms open wide! It is a beautiful thing and a true reflection of our "Daddy's" love for us!
MY HUSBAND ROCKS!

Encouragement in a New Light

Did anyone else watch Oprah today? I never, ever watch Oprah or Dr.Phil. I don't have the time, but today Brady was hungry and the boys were watching a movie. So I decided I would watch Oprah while I fed Brady. It was awesome. She was interviewing a man by the name of Greg Newman. He has written a book called The Truth About Cheating, in which he interviewed men of all ages. It was an eye-opener for me. According to his studies, 1 in 2.7 men cheat (Oprah rounded up to a whole man so 1 in 3 cheat.) The thing that surprised me most was the 92% of the men that cheated said that it was not about the sex. They said it was an emotional disconnection with their wives-- the lack of thoughtful gestures--that they feel taken for granted for things like going to work everyday. Doesn't that put the 30 days of encouraging our husbands into a different perspective?
Don't get me wrong. My husband is a wonderfully loyal man, but it made me realize even more that I need to take some responsibility in this. It is part of my job as his wife to ensure Lloyd's needs are met, not just physically and sexually, but also emotionally. (I think society has emphasized the sexual needs for a long time. Of course, it's extremely important but it's not the only thing...) We as women tend to assume that men are not emotional beings. They are, just not in the same way we are. One of the things Mr. Newman said today was that men desire to have those same feelings again that they had when they first got together with their spouse. I don't know about you, but there are times that I would love to have that goosebump, butterflies in my stomach just from being kissed feeling. Guess what? So do our husbands!
You know it's funny, but I think God may have been confirming through Oprah what He has been speaking to me. You know I started the 30 day encouragement challenge in August and I'm behind. But I've discovered on this journey other ways of encouraging my husband. It's made me more aware of the things I say and do and how they affect him. Like last night, Lloyd told me that he had really felt loved the past few days. Why? Because I've been doing something as simple as preparing his lunch b/c we're on the Sonoma diet. Then I got an email today talking about the differences between men and women and how they connect emotionally. Then I just happen to watch Oprah with the same basic thing--encouraging my husband shows him my love and keeps us connected which in turn keeps us happily married! Neat!
So my point is girls... keep encouraging your husbands! Tell them you appreciate them getting up and going to work every day. Tell them you love how they take out the trash, and mow the lawn, and play with the kids. Help them to feel loved, respected, admired, adored, etc.
I'll talk more about the sex side in my next blog! :)

Life As We Know It

Life as we know it is about to come to an abrupt halt! We've actually known for some time that Lloyd, my wonderful 29 year old husband, has high cholesterol b/c a doctor put him on medicine for it before I got pregnant with Brady. It concerned me then and I got on a kick for all of us to eat healthier. I lost a bit of weight and so did Lloyd, but he never really got motivated. I really hated that Lloyd was so young and was on medication for something like this. But I got pregnant and sort of lost my direction...The doctor kept him on the medicine and then re-checked his blood levels. A few months ago, we found out that the medicine was elevating his liver enzymes so they took Lloyd off of the medicine. A few weeks ago, Lloyd went to a new doctor for a check-up. After doing some blood work, the doctor discovered Lloyd still has high cholesterol. But rather than put him on medication, the doctor told Lloyd to go on a low-fat diet and exercise.

So, I've found a new way to encourage my husband. We've come to the decision that as of Tuesday, September 9th, we're embarking on the Sonoma Diet, which is actually not a diet but a lifestyle change. High cholesterol is something that we'll be managing forever, so it's time to make some changes. I am addicted to ice cream. Lloyd is addicted to coke. So as I said before, life as we know it is about to come to an abrupt halt! No more late night Taco Bell runs, a very bad habit we've continued even after having Brady. No more Blue Bell Cookies and Cream or Braum's Hot Fudge Sundaes. No more Sonic cokes!!!!! Yes, we're taking this very seriously and we're quitting cold turkey. We're going to change the way we eat entirely and we're both excited about it. I know this may seem silly to some of you, maybe drastic to others, but what I've realized is that our bodies are gifts from God to each other and we have not been taking care of them.

Here's my motivation scripture: Hebrews 12:1-13

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin (food) that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin (food), you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a]
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace (and health) for those who have been trained by it.
12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

The "Br" Brothers

We were given these "brother" shirts so we had to take pics before Brady outgrew his.

Notice the boots...

We couldn't resist adding cousin Jack. LtoR: Jack=1, Bryce=2, Brady=4mon, Braxton=5yrs